About
After high school, I lived in a cardboard box in Pittsburgh for four years to reduce my carbon footprint, but eventually I got "board" (get it?) and applied to Carnegie Mellon University.
There I studied, aced tests, and graduated with a Bachelor's degree in "Magnificence And Information Systems" in a single day. After impregnating Britney Spears with a particularly intense stare, I moved back to Philadelphia to concentrate on my career of sheer awesome.
I worked briefly at the National Constitution Center, defending the document itself from Nicholas Cage (the entire movie "National Treasure" was an elaborate cover). Afterwards, I moved to the University of Pennsylvania Department Of Kicking Ass And Also Computers, where I maintain vigilant watch over the University's nuclear facilities, cause criminals to have strokes with my mind, and respond to user support requests telepathically.
In my spare time, I enjoy competitive drinking (me vs. everyone in a 5 block radius), chute-less sky diving, yeti wrestling, and PADA Ultimate frisbee league (Philadelphia Area Disc Alliance). Frisbee league is exciting and fun, but can get particularly intense, which is how I severed my foot and had to have it replaced with one from a terrorist I had tickled to death. It was also there that I met my girlfriend, Ilana, who I rescued from evil robot-sharks.
BOOM. THAT JUST HAPPENED.